Need to come clean about something. Earlier this year, in February, a rare snowstorm hit Corvallis and pretty much shut the city down. That weekend I had planned a 3 day training block on my bike, but because of snow, I was unable to get out and the last thing I was going to do is spend 3 hours on a trainer. Instead of training I hunkered down for 3 days and drank, a lot, by myself. It turned out to be the straw that broke the camel’s back. That Monday morning I woke up, hungover, depressed, emotionally depleted, and decided that it was finally time to address my issues with addiction, 100%...no more half-assing it. Attempting sobriety had been a long time coming.
I began ramping up my alcoholic/addictive tendencies in 2006 when my life was firmly out of control financially, emotionally, and professionally. My addiction then, among other things, was Ninkasi Tricerahops Double IPA and Crown Royal. I snuck it, most evenings, and sometimes mornings, for two years, unbeknownst to most even in my inner circle. Fast forward 9 years later and I had become a professional closet drinker. Add in the fact that I was training my ass off for various running and road bike races, I actually took pride knowing that I could spend an entire Friday evening partying, to wake up on Saturday and bust out a 4 hour run. I remember telling myself that I’m unique, I can party this hard and train at a high level, look at me look at me. Well, this turned out to be complete bullshit and was ultimately part of the behavior that led to my sober date, 2/11/14.
Why am I coming out about this now? Because I hate keeping secrets. It eats me alive, and partly because of obsessive thinking I just need to get it out there. One of the reasons I have spent most of my free time training is that it has helped me keep my sanity. Now, more than ever, this is true. Am I transferring my addiction from alcohol to running and cycling? Damn straight. Why? Because after a long run or long ride I get to know myself in the purest form, much more than I would after a long binge on alcohol. I’ll take it for now.
I’m still very new to sobriety and in no way am I an expert on the subject...and I will never pretend to be. So far it’s been a very humbling experience, and very scary at times. I’ve got a tremendous support system of friends and family and I am very thankful for this. Rather than obsessing on the future and what will happen 5 years from now I think I’m just going to try and enjoy the fact that today, it’s sunny in Corvallis, and there are some trails calling my name.
Thanks for listening
No comments:
Post a Comment